The Duvet Cover Has Won Again

There are certain household tasks that should come with a warning label. Changing a duvet cover is one of them.

Yesterday, I decided to put fresh bedding on. A perfectly ordinary ambition. I had a clean duvet cover, a freshly made bed and the confidence of a woman who had clearly forgotten every previous encounter with this particular piece of fabric.

Five minutes later, I was inside the duvet cover.

Not metaphorically. Actually inside it, trying to locate a corner while the rest of the material twisted itself around my shoulders like an uncooperative parachute.

I’ve watched those clever videos where somebody turns the cover inside out, rolls everything together and produces a beautifully dressed duvet in approximately eleven seconds.

I tried that once. I ended up with something resembling a giant sausage and had to start again.

This time, I went for the traditional method: grab two corners, shake vigorously and hope for divine intervention.

The duvet responded by gathering all its filling into one end.

I gave it another shake.

The pillow fell off the bed.

At some point, I stopped making the bed and started negotiating with it. I actually said, out loud, “Would you please just behave?”

That’s when I realised how ridiculous the whole situation had become. Here I was, perfectly capable of handling complicated decisions, organising a household and dealing with the unexpected, yet being comprehensively defeated by a rectangle of cotton.

Eventually, I got everything into approximately the right place. One corner was still slightly lumpy, but I decided that was between the duvet and its conscience.

And then came the reward.

Fresh sheets. A beautifully cool pillow. That wonderful feeling of climbing into a bed that smells clean and feels like a small luxury, even when the rest of the day has been decidedly ordinary.

For all my dramatic complaining, I love that moment. Perhaps that’s why I keep doing battle with the bedding instead of simply accepting defeat.

Although next time, I may investigate whether duvets can be trained.

Does anybody genuinely have a foolproof method for changing a duvet cover, or are we all secretly wrestling with our bedding?