The Naked Rambler’s Guide to Not Being a Nuisance

I’ve been thinking about naked walking.

Which sounds like I’ve spent the morning pacing around the house naked while thinking about walking naked.

I have.

Anyway.

After everything I wrote about context and consideration, I thought perhaps we naturists need something practical. Because going for a naked walk really shouldn’t require a risk assessment the size of War and Peace.

The basic principle is remarkably simple:

Have a lovely walk without unnecessarily ruining somebody else’s.

Revolutionary, I know.

First, choose your route sensibly.

Wales has an enormous amount of glorious countryside. If there’s a peaceful woodland trail where you might encounter three sheep and a confused spaniel, why deliberately choose the path beside the busiest visitor centre in the county?

Choosing quieter places isn’t hiding naturism.

It means fewer awkward encounters for textiles who aren’t familiar with naturism and, rather importantly, a much more relaxing walk for you.

I’d rather admire the view than spend six miles repeatedly explaining myself to strangers.

And always carry a cover-up.

Shorts, sarong, wrap, dress. Whatever works.

And by carry I mean somewhere you can actually reach it, not buried underneath your sandwiches at the bottom of a rucksack.

If you approach a busy car park, café, village or somewhere an unexpected encounter seems particularly likely, use it.

There is no medal at the end for achieving 100% uninterrupted nakedness.

If there is, nobody has told me where to collect mine.

Then there’s the golden rule:

Don’t argue with hostile people.

Seriously.

If somebody doesn’t like what you’re doing, you’re unlikely to transform their understanding of naturism during an increasingly heated argument beside a stile.

Stay calm. Create some distance. Cover up if that’s the sensible option and carry on.

If somebody becomes aggressive or threatening, prioritise your own safety and contact the police if necessary.

Don’t make yourself a target because you’re determined to have the last word.

Nobody has ever improved a situation by shouting:

“ACTUALLY, LEGALLY…”

while naked.

Group walks need a little more organisation too.

Know who’s leading. Know your route. Know how many people you’ve got.

If you’re using roads, remember that the Highway Code applies regardless of whether you’re wearing trousers. Large organised groups should use pavements where available and, where there isn’t one, follow the specific Highway Code guidance for organised walks, including look-outs at the front and rear in fluorescent clothing during daylight.

So yes.

Somebody may have to wear a hi-vis vest on a naked walk.

Safety first.

Fashion second.

Dignity somewhere around seventh.

For organised Naturism Wales walks, I also think early communication with the local police is sensible where the size, route or circumstances make public attention likely.

There isn’t a blanket 28-day legal notification requirement for ordinary recreational walks in Wales, so let’s not invent one. But telling the police what you’re doing, where you’re going and roughly how many people are attending can prevent an awful lot of confusion if somebody subsequently phones them.

Keep any reference number you’re given.

And finally, take a friend.

Or three.

Walking with other people is generally more fun anyway, and you’ve got somebody to blame when the supposedly four-mile circular walk reaches mile seven.

Tell somebody where you’re going, take water, appropriate footwear, a charged phone and clothing suitable for changing Welsh weather.

Naturist does not mean wandering into Snowdonia with nothing but a cereal bar and optimism.

And please follow the Countryside Code.

Respect farmers and other walkers. Leave gates as you find them. Stick to access rights. Give livestock space. Take your rubbish home. Don’t photograph strangers. Don’t block paths.

Basically, be the sort of countryside user you’d be delighted to encounter yourself.

Because considerate naturism isn’t timid naturism.

It’s confident naturism with manners.

Pick somewhere peaceful. Carry something to cover up with. Read the situation. Don’t go looking for confrontation. Respect the countryside, look after each other and then actually enjoy yourselves.

Feel the wind.

Enjoy the view.

Laugh with your friends.

And eventually admit that you’ve walked past that same sheep twice and somebody has definitely got you lost.

What would you add to our Naturism Wales guide to being a considerate naked rambler?